I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Found your dick twin last night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
