you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
