Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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