I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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