there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
