would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
