In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
