He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
