i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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