I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
