if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize