I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
