So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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