Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
