all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
