Don't make out with my wife yet
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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