it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
