it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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