If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
