When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
