Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
