Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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