Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
