I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had to cum in my sink.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
