Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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