Already got asked if we're dating
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
