my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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