i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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