sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
