Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
