I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
