What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
