omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
