I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this hospital has no fireball
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
