I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
