i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
