I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
