I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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