so let's talk penis.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
