So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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