Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
