smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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