I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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