I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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