last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
