Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
