Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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