Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We are all done wearing pants today
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
