But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
