I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
God, I missed his penis.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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