my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
