xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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