4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
