You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
