At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
