Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
vagina is talking i cant
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
