i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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