she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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