so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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