Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
