True but thats because hes a fetus.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
