I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
