This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
