Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize