My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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