R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
