I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
