At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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