It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
