I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
