I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
only you would photoshop your dick
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
