I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
