Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am naked and annoyed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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