Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
